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  • Michelle Haskell

THIS IS TRULY REAL LIFE //

They say a picture is worth a thousand words and that is truly the case with this one.


I’ve looked at this picture a hundred times today, and each time so many different thoughts and emotions have come over me.


Initially, I laughed because this is truly real life.


A teething baby who couldn’t seem to keep his midnight feeding down. And a potty-trained toddler who accidentally wet her bed at 4 a.m. (again). And then there’s me in the middle. Because both of them wanted mommy in those wee hours of the morning.


And then to look at this image a bit deeper.


Back to the day we didn’t even think we could have these two precious babies. An extremely mild case of infertility if you will. And looking at this photo I remembered that empty feeling. And then I thought of all those who are longing to be mommies and daddies.. for the first time. Or the second time. And then I thought of the mommies and daddies who had to say goodbye. No matter what stage in life. To the ones who are waiting their turn and longing and yearning or wishing for a moment like this... The ones who are having trouble understanding the unfairness of life. To see this photo and to see my babies. I want this moment for you too. To those mommies and daddies, I think of you much too frequently and I pray that you are next in line.


And even deeper.


To think about this world. This big, scary world. I couldn’t even turn on the news this weekend because there have been so many senseless, simply heartbreaking, tragedies. And then I looked at this photo and I thought of the mom in El Paso. The one who protected and saved her 2-month old son by giving her own life. And then I thought of her other two babies. The ones whose mommy isn’t coming home today. To think of those mourning. And grieving. The ones who are having trouble understanding the unfairness of life. To see this photo and to see my babies. To know that in that moment, in our home, in my arms, they were safe. Knowing I can only protect them from so much. And protect myself from so much. I have never been scared of death before. But the thought of my babies without their mommy terrifies me.


And even deeper yet.


I sent this photo to my own mother this morning. She responded, “miss those days… those are the best”. And I know she’s right (did you hear that momma?!). And I know one day I’m going to wish for these sleepless nights again. And I know one day, too soon, these moments will be over. And to think that I was her baby. The one she prayed for. The one she woke up in the middle of the night for. The one she still tries so hard to protect. And now I get it. I understand why she still wants to know that I made it home safe. Because maybe she still longs for those moments too.


Because this is truly real life. Hard at times. Scary at times. Sad at times. Unfair a lot of the time. Seeking understanding and trying to process why. But beautiful nonetheless. A life I wouldn’t trade anything for because I get to have these moments. I get to be their mommy. I get to have those sleepless nights. And tonight before I go to bed, I will hold my babies a little bit longer. For the mommy who yearns, for the daddy who wishes, and for the babies left without. Praying for those longing. Praying for those mourning. Another sleepless night to wake up with a world of so much to be grateful for.